Maintain

GUIDANCE LIST: 

1. *Estate Planning. There is an asterisk by this one not because it lacks importance but because it's usually something you cannot get without funds. We know 98-99% of all DV survivors have experience financial abuse. That usually puts this one out of reach for years following DV. However, think of the fact that if you were to pass away prior to the adulthood stages for all of your children, you want to ensure your children have unmovable stipulations provided by your estate planning that prevent them from being sent to live with the abuser. If you are able, seek this protection out as your #1 priority in this stage.

2. Divorce. If you are legally married to the abuser, you'll need help on getting this done. It is advisable to disconnect all possible ties to you and the abuser that you are able. Studies show the more the abuser knows about your daily life, the easier hoovering will be; hoovering is the next step they usually utilize to try to reestablish their hold. 

3. Custody and Visitation. This can be incredibly tricky during divorce or separation from an abuser. Abusers are infamous for using the children to regain access to you as the survivor/parent. If you are able to provide Dr. Emma Katz's information to them regarding post-separation abuse and how they typically use the children, do so. Do everything in your power to eliminate access to your children. In doing so, you will avoid hoovering. 

4. Fixing Debt. We'd love to provide you with a Black-owned solution for this one, but we don't have one - yet. In the meanwhile, see if you can find Facebook groups that have lists of Black businesses in your area that specialize in debt supports. They should be more realistic on what debt solutions look like for us. If not, move to your state coalition on domestic violence for your state. Google domestic violence coalition for ________ (in the blank is the name of your state). Tell them what you're looking for and they will hopefully be able to help you. 

5. Bankruptcy. If you're tens of thousands of dollars in debt, you will likely need to look at this solution. Yes, this is a solution. You can still keep your house and car if you like; they do NOT have to be part of your bankruptcy. Bankruptcy in many states and counties will have a __________ county bar association volunteer lawyer project that will likely handle everything except your filing fee to handle your bankruptcy free of charge. Use that highlighted information to find yours and get the help the laws afford you!

6. Home Security (Phase 2). Remember that initially we recommended you to change your locks? Now you'll want to get security in your home. It does NOT have to be expensive!

   • Here's one we've tested ourselves that works incredibly well with a Smartphone that you can get from Amazon: IE Geek Wireless Camera. You don't have to get the SIM card right away, you DON'T need an additional subscription for it to work, and you can answer the door and see who's there away from home! At the time of this website update, this unit was available for $39.99!!

     • We further recommend getting an alarm for each door in your home. We've also tested this one and it's super easy to install, and you can also get it from Amazon: GE Personal Security Window and Door Alarm. At the time of this section of the website add, you could purchase a 5pk for $12.47. That's usually enough to cover most folks' entire home! For far less than $75, you can secure your entire home!!​

7. Personal Security. You're going to want to know that you can protect yourself if the abuser were to approach you when you're not at work, school, or at home behind your incredible new security system. We recommend martial arts training for you as your #1 go to. If that is not available to you in your area, we recommend as a 2nd choice some other type of elf-defense training. You may want to check in with your local "Y" to see if there are free or reduced price classes available. It is well worth the trouble of looking for it; you will feel a million times more peace of mind knowing you can defend yourself. 

8. Empowerment through the Arts™. This is a program developed by our Founding Executive Director & Black Woman DV Survivor, Courageous Fire, CHW. She had it reviewed by Black, female, trauma-informed therapists before utilizing it with groups of Black women. Once it passed their checks, we published and piloted it and it is still available for group or individual use until our partners at Courageous Fire, LLC, get things all set up for virtual group facilitation in your state! This workbook has successfully prepared several groups of Black women since 2020 to avoid future predatory relationships, including domestic violence at an 80% success rate! It's available to you through purchase on Amazon at this link. Once the virtual group facilitators are available, we'll let you know right here!

   1. Youth Healthy Relationships. This is a program developed by Courageous Access utilizing the incredible workbook developed and distributed by Eleven-24.org and their Founding Executive Director, Tonjie Reese. It helps youth from 11+ understand how to identify, choose, and create healthy relationships, value themselves, set boundaries, and know the elements present in healthy relationships. It is the companion tool you need your children to have to help prevent them from becoming victimized by TDV (teen dating violence) as teens and DV (domestic violence) as adults. Here's the link to the workbook at their website. Once the virtual group facilitators are available from our partners at Courageous Fire, LLC, we'll let you know right here!